Whether you're looking for answers on who to date, who to marry, what job to accept, what city to move to, or any other major life decision, remember to follow God's perfect peace. Pause & listen for His still small voice. Pause & do a gut check. Either way you decide to proceed with caution, He'll let you know which route is best for you. The choice is yours if you want to follow it or not. Read more on how I went from being angry at God to thanking Him for leading me to A life I'm learning to love.
It’s October 2012 and I just got dumped.....via email, by a guy that I spent the last 4 years with. But let’s back up 6 months to us having a serious conversation over dinner about where our relationship was going – nowhere. He didn’t want to move in together. He wasn’t interested in getting married. So what were we doing then?? So I broke up with him. He was pissed. Then I made the mistake of getting back together with him like a week or so later. To then get dumped six months later.
I remember feeling pissed off and sad and so angry…at God. How could He let this happen to me? I’m a good person. I mean, I’m a nurse! My life is devoted to helping people in their worst times. But I was a terrible “Christian”. I use that term loosely because I wouldn’t even have considered myself a Christian at that time in my life. I was living my "best life" partying every weekend. I wasn't going to church. I had a relationship with God and I spoke to Him but really only when I needed something.
That day was the absolute worst day of my nursing career. Satan saw his opportunity to kick the crap out of me when I was down and he sure did. So, just to recap, I got dumped via email and had the absolute worst day at work. I cried in the med room at one point because I was just so overwhelmed. I remember talking to my oldest brother on my drive home a day or two later about everything and I remember sobbing and asking him why God hated me. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs after I got off the phone while I sat in my car in the parking lot of my apartment complex, “WHY DO YOU HATE ME, GOD?! WHY CAN’T I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!” God did me a huge favor, I just didn’t know it yet.
Let's fast forward to March 2013, I meet another guy. It was great! It was a complete whirlwind romance and we even got matching tattoos! We were planning our wedding. I thought the Lord redeemed Himself (like that’s a thing – I needed the redeeming!) and I was so excited. We moved in together 3 months into our relationship and things were really good…until they weren’t. We broke up the following January. Again, I got dumped. At least it was over the phone this time. I moved back in with my mom because I had given up my amazing apartment in a highly sought after part of downtown Ft. Lauderdale to move in with this guy.
Enough was enough! I realized that it was time to not only get out of South Florida but really hone in on what I wanted and needed in my life. So I started looking for another travel assignment but outside of Florida this time because the first one I had was horrible. I wanted to go to Virginia because my brother lived there and I wanted to be close to them. I got my nursing license there but there were absolutely no assignments available in the entire state, which I thought was weird, but I realize now it just wasn’t where I was supposed to go.
“WHY DO YOU HATE ME, GOD?! WHY CAN’T I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!!!!” God did me a huge favor, I just didn’t know it yet.
I seriously considered Alaska. It was about to be summer anyway so I knew it wouldn’t be freezing. No matter what states I looked at every time I saw something available in Texas, I stopped and stared at it for a few minutes. It felt like Texas was calling me, which is weird because I knew no one there. So I got as far as applying for my Texas nursing license and just before I started the application process, I stopped and prayed. “Alright God, I see what You’re doing. If this is where I’m supposed to go then make it happen.” Not the prettiest prayer but I speak to the Lord the way I pretty much think about things. He gets the message. He gets me.
Now my perspective shifted and I knew it was time to leave Florida and that the Lord was gonna make it happen. Texas was where I was going. I didn’t know where in Texas, but I was going to end up there. An assignment did become available in Abilene, TX and I applied for it. Wouldn’t you know that when they called me, I was out on a date in a very loud restaurant sitting at the bar and I hesitated answering. One, because I was sitting at a bar in a restaurant and but also, I don’t know why. It’s like something stopped me from answering. They didn’t leave a message and my recruiter was never able to get a hold of the manager at that facility. Moving on.
Another assignment became available in Tyler, TX and I got it! I was so excited! I was finally getting out of the only place I had ever lived in my entire life and I was 30 years old. I wasn’t even scared. I was comfortable with this new venture and I know that it was because of God. He gave me peace about it because it was His will. So I packed up a bunch of my stuff and I drove 18 hours to Tyler, TX. Where I knew no one but I did not care one bit.
I got settled in and I was really loving my assignment! I had never worked in a Level 1 trauma facility before so it was great for my career. I made friends with my coworkers and even hung out with a few of them. One of my cousins suggested I download the Tinder app and possibly go on a few dates. I was against this because I did not want to “hook up” with anyone as I was past that point in my life. I was ready to settle down and I was DONE wasting my time with guys that did not want the same things I wanted or were toxic. I ended up downloading Tinder anyway just to try it out (ha!). I talked to one guy via text for a week or two and then moved on. I went on one date with another guy and that was a no for me. I really didn’t spend a ton of time on the app because I was also in school to get my BSN online.
Now it’s May 2014. About 4 weeks into my assignment, I loved it so much I told the ER manager I wanted to extend my assignment when it was up in 9 weeks. Then I met my husband! Like literally a week later. I went on Tinder and he swiped right on me (or is it left? I can’t remember which way you swipe when you like someone). I checked out his profile and he was in town so I swiped right on him too. It was Mother’s Day weekend. Fun fact, my husband didn’t live in Tyler. He was there visiting his parents for Mother’s Day. He also was talked into downloading Tinder by a friend because he too, was over dating.
We spoke via text from Friday afternoon into Sunday morning. Not non-stop, I mean we did sleep and I worked. On Sunday, I went to get lunch after running errands. He had asked me where I was eating lunch so I told him and sure enough, I look up and there he was, walking in with his cowboy hat on and big stupid smile on his face. I, on the other hand, was MORTIFIED because I had just come off of working 4 days in a row and I looked like crap. We hung out for about an hour or so and then he had to get back to his parent’s house. He lived in Houston so when I completed my assignment I looked for a travel assignment in Houston but there wasn’t one. So I had to apply for a permanent job. I knew because my only option was a permanent job that THIS was where I was ultimately supposed to be. The rest is history!
We’ve been together for 6 ½ years, married for 5 and have 2 boys together. I would still be miserable in South Florida if I had not trusted in the Lord. Since meeting my husband, we have had a series of really great things happen in our lives. I got baptized at my husband’s church in May 2016 because I loved that church so much. My relationship has grown tremendously with God. It hasn’t been all good because that’s not life but even in the bad times, the Lord provided and was present no matter what.
Similar to Jeremiah 17:7, trusting in the Lord has never failed me and has never proven to be a bad idea. Never. Not once. I firmly believe my life began when I finally decided to let the Lord lead me to Texas. Sometimes it can be difficult to trust Him and His plans but He has proven over and over again that He knows what He’s doing. If you are unsure of what your next step should be or where to go, I encourage you to trust in the Lord and let Him take over. You will not be disappointed.
I'll leave you with a final verse that's encouraged me, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Happy Healing!
Love,
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