Everything & everyone seem to be obsessed with moving on & moving forward & doing it at full throttle. But what if you can't move full speed ahead because something really heavy is weighing you down? What if that heavy thing is your own heart? When the whole world is obsessed with "being Present" and living in the now, how can we when something in our Past is unresolved? This is the ONLY time I will tell you that looking backwards is ok and highly recommended & why you don't need to be afraid of it.
This post is dedicated to a dear sister in Christ from my Celebrate Recovery group. You know who you are. May this bless you............
Looking backwards or re-evaluating our lives can be a scary thing, especially when what we're looking back to is so painful. Of course the tendency would be to skip over to move quickly past the messy parts of life. So how is it that I'm telling you it's ok to look back & dare I say necessary? Why would anyone want to anyway? What I've found over the years of helping women through trauma is that most suppress, deny or self medicate their way through life as a coping mechanism for extremely painful life hurts that they've never addressed or have allowed to heal. This isn't because they wanted to ignore it, they simply didn't know how to process such debilitating circumstances. The younger they were when the trauma occurred the less they were able to cope. Now they find themselves years later, older, seeming to have "moved on" but essentially stuck emotionally (maturity) , mentally (by ruminating thoughts) and even spiritually speaking by keeping God at arms length.
Let's use a scenario of a broken bone. If a broken bone isn't set correctly by a medical professional after the injury, IT WILL NEVER HEAL CORRECTLY. Many times doctors have had to re-break a bone for it to be reset correctly. Then a cast is put on the bone to keep it in place until it's healed which can take several weeks. I am 100% sure this re-breaking of the bone is extremely painful but I think we can all agree of how necessary it is at the same time.
Looking back is equivalent to the most unpleasant part, the re-breaking. Just thinking about that may make you cringe. Nobody wants to suffer again because the initial injury hurt enough to begin with. So now we're being asked to live through that pain again? Still a hard NO for most. But what I want you to see is that this is a once and for all kind of deal as well and that's how we can start to reframe the hurt as we begin to deep dive into our past. The Lord reveals so He can heal. Not to torture you or make you relive painful memories. Whether you're trying to process the pain of a breakup, a divorce from someone you thought you'd grow old with, the death of someone near and dear to your heart, or even childhood trauma and abuse of any kind, the pain can feel agonizing. So I completely understand not wanting to revisit any of those times. I've been there. But you can either suffer the pain from reliving those moments throughout the rest of your life in a constant up and down cycle every time you're triggered by the memory of it, which is really just an indicator of a buried unresolved hurt attempting to resurface, or you can put an end to it finally by facing it and deciding to face it head on. Suffering hurts and healing hurts, but one has an endless cycle and the other has an expiration date once you've grown through it and come out on the other side.
“When you invite Immanuel into your healing process, He shows you the things that help you process the incomprehensible part of your past. ”
What are we really afraid of?
A dear sister in Christ shared recently in a very brave & vulnerable moment, that she was simply "afraid to look back." That is raw & honest and the entire basis for this post. It's that level of realness that God delights to partner with. I want to address the fear that surrounds us not wanting to process the pain from our past. Fear is from the enemy, most of us know that, so fear is the tool he uses to make sure we remain unhealed. A very clever acronym for fear that I've always loved is False Evidence Appearing Real. Being afraid to look back is probably the #1 reason many people never do. We remember very clearly and vividly the pain surrounding that season in our lives and it still creeps up to sting us when we least expect it, so no, we don't want to intentionally ever return there. But Honey, I'm telling you, when you do muster up the strength to face your fear and process your pain with God, it's life changing. When I think back to when I was afraid and why, it was because I didn't want to confront the fact that I made really poor choices & flew past all of the Holy Spirits warnings. Some of my pain was self inflicted and thats hard to admit. I know thats not everyone's reason. In many cases you may have been victims of awful treatment by another human being, sometimes your own parent or spouse or someone you really trusted. In the case of loss, we don't want to recall the day we got "the call" or the day we were forced to say goodbye to our loved ones forever. When we're maintaining through life, seemingly fine on the surface and we've worked so hard to get to a point of being able to function normally, it's terrifying to go back to a time that almost took us out. We fought hard to get PAST that day, past that season, or past that traumatic event. Sometimes we've fought our whole life to move past that hurt, so there's a ton of fear surrounding an old wound resurfacing especially when we've spent so much energy burying it. I completely understand. But what I want to convey is that as hard as it is, it's still necessary if we're not healed from it. If you've delayed processing it, then you're most certainly not healed from it. Time lapsed does NOT EQUAL moving on or it being processed.
Invite Him into your process
The Bible calls Jesus, Immanuel in Matthew 1:23 which translates to "God with us".
He's not only with us in the good times but even more so in the tough ones. His word says in Hebrews 13:5-6 that He will never leave us or forsake us. I know this verse is EXTREMELY hard to accept when we're going through the most painful, and devestating moments that this life has to bring us. However, in the moments where you felt that He couldn't possibly have been there, or else how could He let this happen? He wants to answer that for you. He wants to show you how He kept an awful situation from being worse than you could've possibly imagined. He wants to show you how His heart was breaking for you during your painful season. He wants to show you how He spared your life or even extended the one of who you may have lost. He wants to show you how He delivered you out of that abuse and finally put an end to it, no matter how long you may have endured it. Of course it never should have happened. Do you know that He grieves when you grieve? and when you invite Immanuel into your healing process, He shows you the things that help you process the incomprehensible part of your past.
Similar to the doctor that has to reset the broken bone, Jesus wants to reset your broken heart, the heart you're convinced is already in tact and healed. He had to remind me that just because He's healed a lot of my heart, doesn't mean He's finished the work yet. Maybe it's just time for the next phase of your healing. I want to encourage you to allow Him into the operating room of your life and let Him do what He does which is heal hearts. If you were to embrace the cracks of your brokenness, you'll see that it's those very cracks where His blood flows through. It's where His peace and comfort seep in and where His wisdom and revelation gain access to restore your wholeness. Can I encourage you to embrace looking back but ONLY with Him. Invite Him into your past so you can begin to reframe your experience together. God never wastes a hurt. This is the God who turns ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61). God hates sin and especially those committed against His children so there's no way He's going to leave you in an unhealed state. However this does require effort on our part by means of time spent with Him. A broken bone cannot reset itself. Neither can your heart. Both require an actual visit to the doctor for attention. Thank goodness we serve a God that doesn't require an appointment & accepts walk-ins. ;-)
Happy Healing!
Love,
Comments