"I'm Ok, Really!" Ever said this to anyone when you're anything but? Are you pretending to be ok when you're really not? We know how to put on our work face, our church face or even our friendship face, but do you find yourself doing this with God too?? Don't do it Honey. It's actually quite silly. He made you. He knows when we're really ok!
I'll never forget the time when my little spunky and energetic 2yr old nephew was super sick with a fever. His mom was away from home giving birth to his new baby sister and he was stuck with my mom and I to babysit him. Now that he was starting to talk more as an active toddler, we had gotten into a conversational routine of me asking him how he was doing. His response was ALWAYS, "I'm Ok, or I'm doing good". This time, he couldn't hide how much pain his little body was in. I'll never forget me rubbing his sweaty head and asking him the usual, "How are you bud?" He very honestly replied while trying to fight back his tears, "Auntie Im (couldn't pronounce K's just yet), I'm NOT OK". Even at 2yrs old, he was having his own little epiphany, that things were different. He was feeling different, and he was in fact sick. His fever was really high and he had us all super nervous but he pulled through like the champ he is. I'll never forget that day. It also got me thinking, even years later about how many of us would dare to be so honest. To admit that we're NOT okay. Not everyday at least. We're not ok after a devastating loss. We're not ok after hearing a bad doctors report or life changing diagnosis. We're not ok after checking our bank account. We're not ok after being betrayed, or losing a job or finding ourselves at a place in our lives that we'd never imagined we'd be at our age.
How many of us mask what we're feeling because life has to go on right? Because we're still expected to be strong. We still have to show up to work. Some of us are caretakers, teachers, lawyers, doctors, supervisors, spouses and parents and there are a LOT of people depending on us to actually be ok ourselves. What do we do then? Take a bunch of sick days? oh I'm sorry, I mean mental health days. We can't always do that. We're still expected to show up. We're still expected to deliver and to be there for those who need us. I get it. But I do want to remind you, that you're only as good to those around you and who need you, as you are good to yourself. Reminding you that wounds that go unattended cannot heal. Don't pretend yourself out of your own healing. I know we can't go into work being a basket case, and even within the church, you can't bare your soul to just everyone. I think what I want you to realize is that you have to make time for yourself somehow someway. Whether that means you have to get up earlier before the kids do, or take a longer drive home from work, or go for a walk or jog in the park, the point is you need YOU + GOD time. Your healing and getting back to being OK depends on it.
“You're only as good to those around you and who need you, as you are good to yourself. Wounds that go unattended cannot heal. Don't pretend yourself out of your own healing.”
Let's Be real, For a Change
You're not doing yourself or anyone around you any favors pretending to be ok when you're not. I know we can't go around baring our soul to every listening ear either. In fact, I really don't recommend that, but that's why I love praying so much. The Holy Spirit is the only solid source who has an excellent complaint department and mental wellness station. We all have our trusted friends and confidants, but what if they're not available? or what if we're just the reserved type to keep things to ourselves? What if we're working through some trust issues and don't feel safe enough to open up to anyone? That's understandable too, and this is why I keep pointing all you Honey's back to Jesus. If you don't have an active prayer life, now is a great time to start. Since we're no stranger to pretending, how about we pretend to be on the couch of His heavenly therapist office.
It's ok to not be okay, you can read another post related to that subject here. However, its not okay to pretend we're just fine and dandy when we're really not and to keep stuffing down the feelings and emotions that are dying to be let out. They will come out eventually, and more times than not, they come out in the most inconvenient and embarrassing of ways. So I'm encouraging you to make time for that release. If you're scared, tell Him. If you're angry, tell Him. If you're feeling hopeless, tell Him and if you're overwhelmed, tired, lonely or anxious, just tell Him. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to "Cast all our cares unto Him because He cares...." What we don't want to do is go around putting on this mask daily with our fake painted smile because that can easily turn into a way of life and we lose our ability all together to be genuine and authentic and frankly, empathetic. We can get so used to stuffing down our feelings that we eventually begin to expect others to do the same and when they don't we begin to judge them silently from afar because they can't "hold it together"..... Welp, at least they're letting it out and staying true to themselves. We could all take a lesson from that type of authenticity & vulnerability.
What is Okay (in Moderation)
It is ok to take a rest day and do absolutely nothing or even change out of your PJ's.
It is ok to call out of work and take a mental health day, nobody said sick days can't apply to your mind.
It is ok to cry on your way to school/work, pull yourself together, get through your day and then cry it out some more on your way home. Sometimes our cars or commute is the only safe place we have.
It is ok to shut off your phone, turn down multiple invitations and cancel all your appointments once in a while.
It is ok to change your mind to prior engagements that you've agreed to..........
All in the name of tending to yourself and reconnecting with your Creator and Heavenly Father. This post is really for the responsibility heavy crowd out there. Or simply those who just make themselves so busy as to neglect what's really happening on the inside of them. May I remind you that you cannot pour from an empty cup. You are only as good to those around you as you are good to yourself. Believe it or not, those closest to you, you can't fool anyway. Hence the question in the first place, "are you okay?" What I'm trying to get you to do, is honor those moments when you are NOT okay, and make sure you can get to a place of truly being okay no matter how long it takes so you don't have to dishonor yourself and what you're feeling any longer. You can't heal a wound that you pretend isn't there. ( I also cannot take credit for that last line because I heard it in a sermon recently). However, it's still true. Let's stop pretending and get to a place where we're Okay, really!
Happy Healing,
Love,
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