Hi Honeys! it’s been a while I know! Life has been busy, in a good way. In a healing and growing way. Now, in a transitioning way. it’s been bitter sweet. Thank goodness I’m becoming a pro at packing up and since I went through this whole moving thing about two years ago, I’ve learned a few valuable lessons that I'd Love to share with you.
First one being, label your boxes well. There's nothing more frustrating than looking for something and not remembering where you packed it. A little labeling goes a long way. Second, count your boxes. Multiple times and make sure you AND your movers come up with the same number of those boxes. Also, get rid of whatever you don’t need, it’ll only weigh you down, in more ways than one. Letting go of things has never been my strong suit. I always feel like I might need it later. In regards to ditching the things of my past, in a sense I felt like I was letting go of me and what makes me, me. But that's silly right? My things don't make me, the spirit God placed inside of me, makes me, me. I’ve always been kinda sentimental too which is a bad combination for a semi hoarder. I found a random collection of seashells from a really pretty beach visit but realized they had to go when I couldn't even remember which beach visit it was. So much for special right? Things got real when it came to the box with my childhood items though. I went through each box, cried a little, laughed a little and reminisced on some really awesome times growing up. As the minimalist experts would advise, You can’t keep everything. Instead, I kept 2 or 3 items from the childhood box and the rest got dumped. I have to admit that my little Native American doll with the furry backpack had seen better days and I’m sure there was some sort of mold growing on her moccasins. She had to have been at least 35yrs old. She lived a good life going from being played with daily, to collecting dust on a shelf for years to living in a cardboard box forever. Am I heartless? Not at all, but I am growing up emotionally speaking and I had to come to terms with the fact that the time for those items are over. I think God was just showing me that to move into this next season of my life, I’d have to let go of the last one.
I also don't think the timing of this massive haul out and packing is coincidental. It's parallel with what's happening in my life spiritually as well. The healing of my childhood wounds are coming to completion which is amazing but with that healing I realize I didn’t have to hold onto so many things anymore. I had to seriously ask myself what I was really holding onto? and that took months to get to the bottom of. Me holding onto a lot of those items, was symbolic of the hurt I was holding onto as well. Ironically, as I was able to let go of the hurt that I had been carrying from that time in my life, I was also able to let go of the stuff. Funny how that works right? Am I saying every minimalist out there is healed and happy? absolutely not, but for me, there was a connection. I knew God had been trying to teach me this art of letting go for a while, but now I was finally ready.
If I’m being extra honest, letting go got a lot easier once I realized I could make money off of some things and now that the online marketplace is thriving the way it is. Between apps like FB Marketplace, Poshmark, and my personal favorite Offer Up, getting rid of my things became something to look forward to, especially when it put some extra cash in my pocket. I’ve been on the buying and selling end of OfferUp and there are some amazing deals out there if you’re patient enough and know how to bargain. Even if you don’t, it’s a great place to learn to get your haggle on.
Some of the interactions were comical and I started to realize that with all my interactions, maybe a hundred or so of them, you can pretty much group the buyers/sellers into three main categories.
1) Low Ballers:
These types try to offer you as little as 50% less than your asking price. No, I’m not giving you a $300 couch for $150 so you can go resell it for $450. They know the value of what you’re selling but they hope YOU don’t know it. The app is called Offer Up! But everyone offers down? How does that work? Low ballers frustrate me, If they can’t pay up or don’t want to, maybe they should go dumpster diving or stay within their budget. Not expect someone to lower their price for them. But you gotta respect them for trying right? Best part about low ballers is you get to deny their offer.
2) Stallers & Snowflakes:
The most annoying kinds of the online market. These are your classic time wasters. They appear or pretend to be interested by asking a million and one questions about your item, questions you’ve already answered in your description box. They make plans to meet to do an exchange and in typical snowflake fashion, they have the nerve to never show. To make matters worse they don’t even let you know they’re not showing up, so you’re left waiting around for nothing. Entire time slots of your day, in the trash. I learned with these types real fast just to go on about my day.
3) Jumpers:
Not as in off a cliff but as on a good deal. They don't negotiate & if they do it's only to offer you more than your asking price to ensure they lock in your item first to beat out any other bidder. They don’t flake, they ask when and where and show up on time and usually with cash in hand. I was able to sell two of my couches this way. Honestly, I didn’t want to part with them. They were comfortable and of great quality. I don’t think my post had been up for more than a few days, and a guy and his buddy showed up with cash and pickup truck. They were prepared and ready. My kinda guys. See, these types realize that an item of value won’t stay on the market long. They see the value, they appreciate the value and they lock it in. We like the jumpers.
“You can pretty much group the buyers, sellers & daters of the world into three main categories.”
Some of you single Honeys may already see where I'm going with this. There are just TOO MANY parallels to the current dating scene these days. As I kept thinking about this, I couldn’t deny the glaring comparison between the buyers and the daters of today. Today's dating scene is one that I am happily not participating in right now and don’t feel the least bit of urgency to. I’ve grown to a level of confidence with God regarding this area of my life that a lot of people just can’t understand but I’m ok with it. I'll never understand why outsiders will have more of a problem with my singleness than I do. I refuse to lower my value or shrink my personality for the low ballers of the world who can’t keep up with me. I’ve learned a lot over the years, I’ve healed a lot over the years and I won't allow someone to drag me back to a place where I’ve fought to grow out of. I know my value as a person, as a woman of God with a high calling and as someone’s future wife. Remember low ballers offer you way less than what you deserve so they give you crumbs of time and attention and expect you to be satisfied with it. No thanks. With all due respect low ballers can keep window shopping, since they obviously can’t afford what’s behind the glass. I’m not lowering my worth or value or my couch to make you more comfortable.
On to the Stallers and Snowflakes of the dating world. These types I’ve gotten caught up with one too many times. ALL TALK & NO ACTION. The endless text-ers who'd rather be penpals than set up an actual date. Please go waste someone else’s time. They are usually full of excuses and they have little to no regard for something as valuable as time, just like the buyers who pretend to be interested and never show. Time is something we can never get back, so I have a serious problem with those who waste mine. This is also why I’m so blunt and cut to the chase when meeting people. I'm sure it's the New Yorker in me, but I truly feel like I’m doing you a favor by saving you emotional or mental investment when I tell you, "I’m not interested". I don’t need coaxing or convincing, I know myself fairly well so I can forsee what’s not gonna work, most of the time. The more upfront I am with you, is me doing you a favor & allowing you to exert your efforts somewhere it won’t be wasted. The word of the Lord says in Matthew 5:37, “let your Yes be yes and your No be no.” No kinda sorta or maybe’s up in here. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Stallers and snowflakes may actually make their way around to finally dating you eventually, but it'll be with no end in sight. No official game plan, only talk of one. When confronted they’ll have every excuse in the book. Again, No thank you.
On to our last category of dater. The ones I’ve learned to appreciate and even respect so much. The Jumpers. The ones who know what they want, and what they’re looking for. The one who partners with the Lord even before beginning their search. They have a clear idea of who they're looking for so they know when they've found them. Yes call me old school but I believe the Word literally when it says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing", Proverbs 18:22. Not he who stumbles across by accident unintentionally and tolerates the prize of woman God’s placed in his life. Like OfferUp, when you’re looking for something so specific and you find it amongst the sea of options, wouldn’t you be elated? I know I'd be. The Jumpers of the dating world are looking for quality and ready to seal the deal when they find what they’ve been looking for and the time is right. The tiring search can finally end. When they’ve found their person they stop. looking. There’s no long back and forth of negotiating, He realizes he’s found a gem, his gem and he jumps (there’s that word again) on the opportunity to make her his wife. He realizes that if he doesn’t, someone else will. He recognizes and sees her value and takes advantage of the opportunity to partner with her because he knows such an opportunity won’t always present itself twice. Real jumpers don’t take the risk of losing something precious & rare. They show up, they’re available, they’re well-funded to purchase (figuratively speaking) the one whose worth is far above rubies. Furthermore, they thank God for blessing them with what they could’ve never found and been led to on their own.
I couldn't help but notice how the Stallers & Flakes flooded my inbox so quickly. Within minutes of posting an item, I get so many inquiries. They were right there, seemingly SO interested in wanting to buy. The Jumpers however, took a bit longer to respond to a post, but when they did, there wasn't a long back and forth. They just showed up and the sale was over. Let that be a lesson.
So, that’s what moving and Offer Up has taught me during the last few weeks of this move. Single Honey’s out there, don’t lower your value for anyone or allow you to question your worth and make you think you're asking too much. You're not asking too much, you're just in the wrong marketplace with the wrong group of buyers. Don’t budge on your asking price. Stay true to your convictions and don’t allow anyone to low ball you regarding the valuable assets you bring to the relational table. Well that's all I got for now, if you're not following Healed Honey on Instagram, what are you waiting for? please do & stay up to date with todays healing encouragement. Click the link here to follow.
Happy Healing!
Love,
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