What do you do when the unexpected in life happens? The dream crushing disappointments that blind side you out of nowhere. The times that you want to fall apart but you know you can't. Today we're talking about Breakups, & the coping methods we discuss can really be applied to any unexpected loss life throws at us. Because it's all about getting our minds right.
Hi Honey’s, Happy New Year! Yes, I’m probably officially the latest in the game to say that but technically it is still January (even if it's the very last day) of the absolute longest month of the year! I wish I could say my new year was happy. It should be if I focus on all the wonderful blessings God has provided throughout my life, but when your heart is hurting, it’s so hard to see past the pain.
Yes, the Healed Honey, Queen Bee herself, finds herself in some desperate need of healing these days. The world damages us in so many different ways that the healing comes in waves instead of all at once. Realistically though, let's thank God for that. You know, when I started this blog, I knew the day would come where my testimony would get tested. It arrived, right around 2022 when everybody was toasting and having hor d'oeuvres with cute little sparkly toothpicks and kissing their loved ones at midnight. I found myself working a lonely graveyard shift and being hit with the realization that my own relationship was crumbling. Fast forward to the end of this month and it’s pretty much done. I don’t mind being vulnerable and transparent with you all because that’s the entire purpose of this site. To keep it real. Unless we keep things real, we’ll never see any progress, at all. Between reading all the advice tips, being told about the 5 stages of grief, watching the clock go slower than is scientifically possible & letting go and letting God, I still find myself in utter agony. Breakups are like a death. Only difference is that the person is still living. Sometimes even very closely as far as proximity goes, but the wall of emotional distance couldn’t be any higher. So, to any of you who have recently lost someone close to you or recently broken up, let’s get through this TOGETHER.
here are a few tips & perspective shifters to get us on our healing way, and what’s been helping me make it through.
1) INVITE GOD into your time of Grief.
What? So, you don’t gather all their things and start singing Beyonce’s “To the Left”? No! I mean you could, but would it really help? Probably not. If you’re anything like me, you gather all their things then put them back in their place a few days later anyway because you miss them so much. Pathetic, I know. As I found myself distraught from disappoint the other day, I tried something I had never done before. I invited God into my breakup. Weird right? Well, earlier that day, I had to give a presentation for work that was timed, evaluated and such and the pressure was on. Right before I began, I invited Jesus to present with me. Long story short, despite my scattered head space & heavy heart, I did amazing. So it got me thinking, we invite Him into our day in the mornings when we pray right? We invite Him to our meals as we say grace, but how about the ugly parts of life too? So, I did something I’ve never done and invited Jesus into my breakup process. The days have been hard, but surprisingly, still bearable. Somehow, I still manage to get a laugh in here or there, or get back to dancing in my kitchen. Of course this is in between hysterical emotional breakdowns, but this is only the beginning, so things will get better for sure. I truly do believe it. So, try inviting God into your moment.
2) Remember God is in Control.
ESPECIALLY when you’ve asked Him to order your steps. Psalm 37:23 When I was younger and a hot honey mess, the Lord ALWAYS steered me clear of who wasn’t meant for me. That’s when I wasn’t even nearly as close to Him as I am now, and He was STILL looking out for me. So let’s explore this idea for a sec, that what if the Psalm 37 step ordering God also ordered the breakup? When you’ve been trying something in your own strength for so long and nothing works out, maybe the Man upstairs is trying to tell us something. I have to admit, He's NEVER allowed me to suffer great pain without great gains. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, Job 1:21 so at the end of the day we really have to trust that He knows what He's doing.
3) Start working out.
As you’re getting healthy on the inside, you should also be maintaining your health on the outside. Try to eat cleaner. Go for a walk or a jog or a swim, sign up for that marathon, or start lifting again or whatever it is you do, but get active. At this point, we desperately need the endorphinal release. Yes, I just made that word up. But seriously, I don’t know who on this planet wouldn’t feel better lowering some cortisol levels & seeing some extra toned lines on those muscles.
“As I found myself distraught from disappoint the other day, I tried something I had never done before. I invited God into my breakup. Weird right? ”
4) Process what’s happening.
I beg you to not move on from this heartache, without fully understanding what you're feeling. Or in some cases not feeling. I think being numb to catastrophic tragedies is worth looking into as well. It could mean that you're emotionally scarred & disconnected and that's usually due to prior pain that hasn't been resolved. Journaling or meeting with your mentor or praying it out with a trusted church friend or advisor is a wise move also. I once kept a private video log when I was going through some difficult times and it was amazing to see the progress the Lord had done with me in just a matter of weeks. I was amazed. I do think not taking time to process life's heartbreaks is THE biggest reasons relationships fail nowadays. If a negative cycle isn't intentionally broken, it will only be repeated. What most ppl do is suppress and move on to the next hot thing over there. You can do that, plenty of ppl are in the rebound game, but whatever goes unaddressed WILL resurface and it always does when you least expect it. So why not handle it now as you’re feeling your feelings anyway.
5) Pace Yourself.
The old, take it one day at a time thing. Sounds like torture, I know. Yes, you have to though. You can’t think too far ahead because that’s where anxiety resides. You can't think too far back either, because that’s where regret resides. As hard as it may be, just focus on getting through the day. If all you can do is muster up the strength to brush your teeth, take a shower and return to bed, so be it, you did something & you’re doing great. If you have to go into the office, cry it out in the car if you need to, touch up your face in the bathroom before facing anyone, get through your 8-10 hours and cry it back out on the way home. Eventually the tears will flow less and less.
6)) Positive affirmations.
Look yourself in the mirror at least once a day and say out loud, “In JESUS NAME, I will get through this! My Peace and my Joy WILL return to me! What the enemy meant for my harm, GOD will turn it around for my Good!” Keep saying it until you believe it and I promise it is highly effective.
Start flooding your YouTube & podcast searches with sermons, inspirational or motivational speeches, and worship music. Turn on the YouVersion Bible app and hit the play button on the Psalms, any Psalm. Apparently our man King David was going through it at the time and he expresses it so eloquently. Now that is one dude who was in touch with his emotions. Just reading it or hearing the scriptures really does something in the supernatural. One of my favorites is Psalm 34:18 which says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He rescues those who are crushed in Spirit." This verse has been my absolute anchor & I've committed it to memory when I find myself feeling so alone. He promises to be close to us in our times of distress, so I have no problem reminding Him of what He's promised. Because right now, I could use a bit of rescuing from my crushed spirit.
I’ll add to this list as time goes on and I ask God for more healing support. We’ll get into some deeper concepts we all eventually have to do to heal from anything in this life not just the dreaded breakup. I’ll also add a what NOT to do list so we don’t fall into any unhealthy patterns as we’re really trying to break them.
But I am right here with you all, feeling every bit of this gut wrenching pain. If anyone wondered if a heart could ACTUALLY hurt, yes it can. Mine actually throbs. Then your mind hurts as well as your flooded with all the memories & broken promises. Or you're filled with regret over things you wish you'd done differently or words you've said that you wish you could take back. Your emotions hurt as you think of how you’ve been deceived or betrayed, rejected or abandoned & sometimes you’re dealing with the pain of all of those at once. When you grieve you don’t only grieve the person and their companionship that you always imagined would be there. You’re grieving the ideas you had of how your wedding would be, what your kids names would be, the kind of dog you’d have and the type of house you’d live in. You’re saying goodbye to a ton of hopes and dreams and the Bible does say that “hope deferred makes the heart sick”. Proverbs 13:12 Ain’t that the truth.
Well, I’m off to buy my third box of Kleenex for the week. So, until next time, hang in there Honey’s. We WILL get through this. Remember, God knows what He’s doing. I know you may miss your ex, but if it’s meant to be God will work things out in His time and not a minute sooner. The sooner we accept that fact, the sooner we can focus on getting better.
Because it feels necessary, I’ll close this one out in a Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father, you see all the hurting hearts out there. I pray right now, in the name of Jesus that everyone reading this and within the sound of my voice, would feel your Holy Spirit presence and peace so tangibly and thick that they can’t deny it. If their tears are flowing, dry them up. If their heart is throbbing, calm it, if their anxiety has knotted that stomach, untangle it. Give us all rest tonight as we trust you with our future. Heal us from the pain of this loss that feels so devastating & more importantly, this broken world. Heal our brokenness and may we never return to the source of it or our bondage. God change our trajectory. Change our perspective and give us our hope back. In Jesus Name amen.
Until Next Time Honey's,
Keep Healing!
Love,
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