Much like over packing for a short get-away, Did you know that emotional baggage can slow down your progress? Don't let unnecessary baggage weigh on you spiritually or emotionally & keep you from getting to your destination
I was listening to Erykah Badu the other day. Yes, I'm that old for all of you jr millennials out there. I don't know about you but I listen to the lyrics way more these days than I ever have before. That song is really deep and it's not about shopping. She says, "One day, all them bags gon' get in your way, so pack light". Wow, how true! Everything you're holding onto emotionally, in regards to pain and negative emotions and toxic thoughts, will in fact get in your way. Like a bad root, it will weave its way into your heart and eventually, your character without you even realizing it. It creeps its way into every part of living because that’s what toxic things do, they infect the environment they’re in, in an attempt to take it over completely. Think of a cold or virus that’s infected your body. The infection can and would take over your entire body if it weren’t for your immune system at work and white blood cells coming to the rescue. The toxicity of your emotional baggage is no different and will indefinitely get in the way of how you think, how you deliver and receive communication, and even something as simple as you receiving a compliment. For example, if you struggle with self esteem and tend to be insecure, or you’ve been lied to and are not over that person betraying your trust, you’ll go around always second guessing what the next innocent well meaning person is trying to tell you. You’ll always side-eye them or question their motives because you’re constantly waiting for them to do you wrong like the last person. You’re always on edge and can’t relax. You’re also likely to become extremely defensive during casual conversation. Let me let you in on a little secret…..nobody likes to be around someone like that. People may tolerate you but nobody looks forward to conversations with a person like that. In fact, they’re probably praying and wishing in their head that their phone rings, or their doorbell saves them.
Baggage of any kind really, will weigh you down, slow you down on the destination to your Healed Place and pretty much make you not so fun to be around. Where do you think the term Debbie Downer came from? Debbie is weighed DOWN from negativity, she brings your mood DOWN in the dumps because misery loves company. Poor Debbie, just never got over the last person who did her wrong or in a lot of cases, never got over ANY person who did her wrong so she’s got a running list of offenders. Maybe she never decided to forgive who hurt her and from that, it caused her to have a crabby attitude towards everyone she ever met from then on. My heart goes out to Debbies of the world. But don’t you be a Debbie. Let’s take a lesson from her on how NOT to be.
A long time ago I used to have to take these month long trainings out of state for my job. My Mom saw that I had two suitcases packed and stared at me and shook her head in silence. (Only Mom’s can shame you with just one look) In reality, one suitcase was kind of empty because I planned on filling it with all the shopping I planned to do while I was away. Either way, she finally broke the awkward silence and said something that I’ll never forget and I want to share with you. Wise words from an old Jamaican woman, she said, “Remember you’re going to have to lug that around, there might not be anyone to help you carry that.” She continued to remind me of possible broken elevators or escalators along my trip. As it turned out, my room happened to be on the 3rd floor of this hotel and no, there were NO Elevators! Haha. I heard her voice in my head with every agonizing thump going up the stairs of my oversized designer suitcase that was getting scratched and ruined with every tug as I was forced to drag it up.
By the end of my traveling for training season, I could fit 4 weeks of clothing and travel supplies into a small carry on. I legit could’ve passed flight attendant packing school. You learn how to pack after a while. Or more so, you learn about what's not necessary to carry. I can guarantee you that the unforgiveness you're holding onto in your heart is not worth the extra weight and definitely needs to be dumped asap. But the point remains, whatever you choose to hold on to, remember you will have the burden of carrying that load. Multiply that times years of just life happening and you’ll quickly recognize how that can be quite overwhelming.
Don’t let your emotional baggage get in the way of how you parent, how you relate to your coworkers, your spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend, family and friends. If I can even go a step further, how accepting and understanding you are of the Father's love for you. You were not meant to continually carry the load that you are currently carrying. I’m telling you to Let it GO. Just like the Frozen song. Let it go. I can hear the shouts of defiance already, “But Kimberly! you don’t know what that person said to me! You don’t know how terrible they made me feel about myself, Or how they embarrassed me in front of the bosses at work, or how many times they promised they wouldn’t hurt me and they did it again!” Yes I know, and some cases go much deeper than that. It could have been years of traumatic abuse you’ve suffered as a child. It could have been unspeakable levels of wrong done to you and I am not making light of it by any means. I am so sorry for that. I am so genuinely sorry for what you experienced and suffered. At some point though, the shift renewal has to be made in your mind (Romans 12:2) that your are NOT a victim anymore. At one point you were, but shifting from Victim to Victor is where the transformation lies and is such a vital key to the healing process.
“Your pain is not permanently attached to you just because you’ve been carrying it so long. Honestly, let's stop associating with it so much, stop owning it. We don’t want it right? We can acknowledge its existence without babying it. Shake it off, get rid of it, don’t nurse it! Recognize but don’t internalize.”
What I do know is that the anger that you're holding onto hurts you more than your betrayer. I know you’ve probably heard that before but it’s true. As someone with a narcissistic father and three ex narc boyfriends, I can tell you that what hurt the most is that after knowing they hurt my feelings, (because I told them multiple times), was that they didn’t seem to care that I was in pain and they even seem to take pleasure in knowing that they hurt me. That’s when I realized I couldn’t let their cold ways of existing change me and who I am. I just had to find a way out and realize I was never going to get an apology from them, not a genuine one at least and make the difficult choice to move on. That was difficult to accept but probably the biggest key towards making progress. The next hard part was forgiving someone so close to me who hurt me so deeply. So, I get it.
Can I ask you though, What if that person passes on from this life and you were never able to reconcile? It’s definitely not affecting them in the grave that’s for sure. Holding onto the hurt is delaying your progress, your healing and your future blessings. Knowing that, is it still worth holding onto?
Whatever hurt has been inflicted on you may also keep replaying in your mind over and over again. It may keep you up at night preventing you from having peaceful rest. It may be causing your anxiety which then leads you to be prescription medicated or lead you to self medicate, honestly, I’m not sure which is worse. All things that Jesus wants you to be free from. The catch here is that nobody can lay your bag down for you. You would have to unstrap it from your back and shoulders and actually set it down and walk away from it. There’s nothing in that heavy bag that you will need in the future. Trust me, you can leave it all and you won’t miss a thing. You’ve been weighed down so long carrying this same old pain that you probably feel like its a part of you. Like when I was going through my tough breakup years ago, and was crying so much, I looked at myself in the mirror with puffy red eyes and said, “Oh well, I guess this is just my face now. Goodbye smile, I doubt I’ll ever see you again.” Followed by a pitiful singalong to Jill Scott’s “Good Morning Heartache” song. Lol Boy, was I wrong. Don’t believe that lie from the pit of Hell. Your pain is not permanently attached to you just because you’ve been carrying it so long. Honestly, let's stop associating with it so much, stop owning it. We don’t want it right? We can acknowledge its existence without babying it. Shake it off, get rid of it, don’t nurse it! Recognize but don’t internalize.
Maybe you can’t take the whole bag off your shoulders at once, but little by little you start to unpack the load until the bag is completely empty. That’s ok too. That’s also progress in the right direction. You don’t have to unpack alone either, Jesus wants to unpack that load with you.
Wanna hear something funny? We’re speaking figuratively about this load, because it’s not cement blocks we’re carrying but more so years of offense, abuse & grudges. But have you ever wondered why when we're extremely stressed do our backs, necks and shoulders feel sore? I went for a massage one time and I told the masseuse, "please get my shoulders and neck, it's always so tight!" She responded with, "That's actually where most women carry their stress, it collects in the upper part of their back”. Mind. blown. Isn't that something?? We're "carrying" the weight of the world on our shoulders figuratively speaking but actually feel it physically. We sometimes even begin to carry other people's load when we can't even handle our own. I used to be guilty of that until I started learning what healthy boundaries were. More on that in a different post.
As for the “pack light” part of the song, it really just means to not hold onto anything to begin with. Forgive quickly, choose to not be offended when people do you wrong. Refuse to hold grudges. Don’t stay in harms way when someone reveals their toxic character to you, but take a good note to self, pray for them, forgive them and keep it moving, Honey! The title of “friend” cannot be reserved for everyone. If the person is in your family, you can limit your interactions with them if possible and still establish healthy boundaries. I like this book here by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. He’s got a whole series of the topic for family, work, dating and marriage. Check it out, it’s helped me immensely with my own healing process.
This verse in Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT) really sums up everything I'm trying to relay perfectly. “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.”
My point? We were not designed to carry bitterness, anger, worry, insecurity, and everything else negative. Even the babies women carry in their womb, they only carry for 9 months at a time. At some point, that baby’s got to go! I think the pain you’re in can be compared to labor pains. But even labor pains give way to something beautiful at the end. Let this pain and hurt deliver something beautiful for you too. Let it show you how strong you are and how resilient your spirit truly is. Let God repurpose what you went through so you can teach others how to over come it. Remember what the enemy meant for evil, HE can turn around for your Good. Please let him.
What about you Honey? What weight have you been carrying that you know you need to let go of? I’d love to hear from you. Please drop me a line below in the comment section.
Happy Healing!
Love,
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